2 more weeks

power power power this semester through!
I CAN NOT WAAAAIIIIT FOR SUMMER!
soooo we went to waimea falls tonight, twas a nice beginning to summer.
I am so excited to have loooong beach days with my gals and fellahs.
lets go lets go lets go!
CHEEEEE

hahaha

To my lovely friends that cared about my break-down blog

Well I guess as of now everything is piecing itself back together.
School is fucking my my mind!
I can't control these mood swings and the things I say to people.
I need to understand that I can't control what has happened to people, or what will happen to them. Life is fucking tough! But again and again I deal with it.
I need summer!! I feel like a robot, and I can't control anything.
Honestly, there is something just pushing me along saying things and doing things I don't really want to do. And my sanity is in the back screaming NOOOOOOO! I AM GOING INSANE!
MUCHOS KUDOS TO MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS THAT CARE!!! I have more than I feel like I have right now
love you guys!

I want this:

Remembering summers past
Where sand was engraved between my toes,
as the waves washed upon the shore
and the slow breeze billowed through my hair.

Where sand was engraved between my toes,
every breath of air was satisfied
and the slow breeze billowed through my hair
the clear sky’s captured my eyes.

Every breath of air was satisfied
after long hours of laughter.
The clear sky’s captured my eyes,
and my body once delighted at the ocean’s touch.

After long hours of laughter
times with friends never forgotten
and my body once delighted at the ocean’s touch.
My eyes closed to take in the beauty.

Times with friends never forgotten
as the waves washed upon the shore.
My eyes closed to take in the beauty,
remembering summers past.

again and again

Day passes by without a wave
no reaction comes from my face
I want to react, I want to move
smile, laugh, play.
I can't move, mechanically I walk through my day.
Over and over again
every thing is the same.
All a blurrrr
I can't see anything.
Someone help me
I can't see, I can't stop!
Give me a break!
Damn things controlling
Moving the squeaking swing in my brain to a stop.
I..am..lost..

what if

What if:
•I actually left for college
•I broke up with him in the beginning like I was going to
•I actually went through with it
•I didn't show up before she tried to hurt herself
•I didn't forgive everyone
•Uncle Python didn't die, would my dad be the same man he was?
•I let him hit me
•I decided to stay in Mexico
•my mom didn't have Multiple Sclerosis
•All my friends stayed together
•I had more friends to begin with
•I came to God years before
•I wasn't born again
•we actually moved away
•I didn't swerve back onto the road
•I stayed out just a little later
•I just left and told no one
•I disappeared..would anyone notice?

today

I have the hiccups
too much wine.
too many projects to finish.
My nose is in EMENCE pain!
and I am overwhelmed.
I wish I could just rrreeelllaaaxxx and float

sunday

and I have so many things to do!:
• work
• research project
• math quiz
• theatre homework
• poetry portfolio
• extra credit project
All due tuesday
BOOOOO

And to top it all off my nose is so sore and I have a huge sore on the inside of my lip because I bit it.
Super nasty and suuuuper sore! My face looks retarded because I can't move anything. =(
I really hope I an get everything done!

soo

It's time that I write something again..

The past two days have been sooo horrible for me. I know it is Easter and I should be praising the Lords resurrection, but I'm just so lost in myself. It's been one of those times where I don't want to deal with anyone, just want to yell, mope, scream, fight, cry, and just be gosh darn depressed all at the same time.
I guess It's just a woman's thing, darn hormones.
Wow, and just looking up I see the carving Pastor Mike made for me: "Jesus <3 Kesha"
No matter how I feel, how I treat people; HE will always love me and accept me back into HIS arms.
WOW! That's all I can say.

Tears have fallen once again
not of sadness this time
but of hope, faith, and love
Reassurance has filled me up
Never will I wander away from You
never will I talk ill of Your name
and never shall You forsake me.
For You are my Lord, my Rock, my Salvation.
There is no use for seeking further
for I am not walking, I am running.

My mother, the fighter

They used to call her Gracie
Everyone's best friend
She was a dancer, runner, lover
never ever a fighter.

Looking at her once before
so young, happy, and vibrant.
standing next to her best friend, on their way to a club.
Dancing was her spirit that she would never give up.

Against the wall they stood
hair teased with tons of split ends.
Dressed in their best with dancing shoes on
fun was wherever they were to be.

She never knew what was to become of her...
she became a wife, another best friend, and happily a mother...
But why did misfortune have to come for her?
Taking her spirit from her that she would never give up?

She is forced to fight,
fight the rogue that has disabled her from her dance.
Showing them her passion, she tries to win the battle.
But when they think they have defeated, she smiles back and fights more.

Today I call her mom, of course
she is my best friend and my creator.
She is a teacher, lover, mother
and now, she always has to fight.